Wouldn’t it be great if there were a way to NEVER have conflict in your life? Unfortunately, unless you never, ever interact with another human being, that’s just not possible. One thing I can tell you for certain: if you put two or more people together in a room for long enough, conflict is not only possible, it’s inevitable.
So while we can’t prevent it 100% of the time, there are some very simple and practical things we can do to help reduce the amount of unhealthy conflict in our lives. Here are 4 key things you can do to be proactive in preventing conflict.
1) Take Inventory – Before attending an event, think about who else is going to be there and do a little homework. Discover how they are, what is going on in their life, and think about how they might be feeling, especially if there have been any major changes for them. Major changes could include things like death, divorce, a job change or loss, a breakup, or an ongoing conflict they may be having with someone else. By identifying these people and issues, you can be better prepared on how to deal with them before blindly stepping into a trouble spot. Awareness is our friend.
2) Pray For Them – My mom taught me that it’s just about impossible to be angry with someone if you are actively praying for them, because when you pray for someone you begin to see them as God sees them. Praying softens our heart toward other people, makes us more empathetic, and more understanding. Praying proactively can supernaturally affect whether or not conflict happens, and it can also help us to react better when it does happen.
3) Serve Them – if you are a Christ follower, serving others is a basic thing we should be doing all the time. Apply an extra measure of service towards people who are prone to conflict and it can greatly reduce tension and take the teeth out of potential issues. Ask questions like these: How can I make things easier for you? What can I bring? What is your least favorite thing to do at these gatherings, and could I take that off your plate? It is very hard to have conflict with someone who is actively making your life better. Ephesians says, ‘Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.’
4) Check Yourself – If you find that conflict is an ongoing issue in multiple facets of your life, consider that you may be a significant contributor to that. Ask God to show you a true picture of yourself. Psalm 139:23-24 says, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Ask God to show you what needs to be changed and how to go about doing it. Ask him to show you if there are areas or situations where you need to ask for forgiveness from others. If you need help figuring it out don’t hesitate to ask one or two people you trust to speak into your life. There are also some basic questions you can ask yourself to help discover problem areas or trends. When it comes to being triggered in ways that lead to conflict, ask yourself who, what, when, where, why, and how. This process can be very challenging to be sure, but the great news is that with God’s help, we can change!
The bottom line is that we can keep having the same conflicts over and over again, or, we can get busy doing something about it and potentially change the outcome. Trust me when I tell you that preventing unhealthy conflict is worth whatever effort it takes to make it happen.
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